guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
