she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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