You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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