So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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