I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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