he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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