remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
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They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
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I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.