I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
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Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
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Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.