JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?