i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.