There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
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