Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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