he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
This toilet bowl is my home.
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