had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
