Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
