I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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