I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
