I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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