You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
