Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
