No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
