Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
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