Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
soo... how was my night?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
