Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
