the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
