I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
