she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
