it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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