dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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