I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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