oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
