Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
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if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
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I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.