Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.