Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.