All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism