great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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