last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Randomize
