my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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