I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
