so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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