I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
