Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
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