i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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