And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
