Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Did you just see the Batmobile???
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
