If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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