Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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