I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
