Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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