You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
