all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
