Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
PANTIES FOUND
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