I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
