Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Randomize
