looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize