How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
