Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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