So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
