He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
