Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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