Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
