I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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