So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
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My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
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Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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