when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
