i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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