I wannas sexs uuuuu
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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